Addiction and Dependency

 

Penny moves through the abandoned buildings near the seedier side of town until she gets to her intended destination, a small building tucked away from the main street. The early morning sun is weak and casts a limp shadow that seems to struggle to waken to the dawn light. The wooden entrance is hidden mostly from view but even still she can’t help but look around before entering the building, the trepidation of what is to come starts early this time and her hand almost trembles on the door handle.

She comes regularly to the door, always early before anyone is up and about to see. The visits are hard to resist, each time she comes here its a new adventure and often more daring that the last but that’s why she comes and besides she can afford it. The services provided by the occupant are not cheap but they are exquisite in their escapism and she cannot refuse her addiction, it gives her a release and a thrill that is intoxicating. Armed with cash she holds her breath as she approaches Sue Linn, the charisma of Sue fills the room like a drug filled aroma, she could almost breathe it in.

Sue sits waiting for Penny knowing that as usual this would be a bitter sweet appointment. Penny had phoned yesterday asking for her usual early slot, Sue did not refuse but instead welcomed it. Of all the guests that were welcomed here Penny was the only one that she had any real feelings for, more than friendship or any other simplistic bonding, Sue was infatuated by Penny yet she knew that her sentiments were not returned. To Penny this was a pleasant business arrangement but to Sue this was so much more. Yes she needed the money and if she could do without it and have Penny forever then she would.

Sue Linn was good, very good and she knew exactly what Penny craved for, and again she would provide it with pleasure. She would gave uncertainty and danger, she took away control and safety, hurling her partner into a sense of heightened anticipation. Slowly and invitingly to start with before gradually taking control.

Once the invitation is accepted Sue gradually takes control…..

….and Penny surrenders.

Sue prepares for the next phase, she understands Penny’s needs, it’s in the thrill of the danger, of giving over to the unknown and being unable and unwilling to prevent whatever happens next. For Penny the release of yielding over to someone else is exciting and the thrill of not knowing what is to come causes her to quicken her breath, the unseen future and the unpredictability of Sue’s inflictions. Penny’s excitement courses through her yet has a stupefying affect, it renders her compliant and wanton.

Sue applies some necessary steps……

Penny feels the needle puncture the skin, forceful and deliberate, like an unwanted lover. The sting is all she concentrates on, she relishes the sensation, a small compensation for the intrusion of its liquid content. The needle slides its full length into her flesh and the plunger pushes out the hated but life enhancing drug, the pain aids her in fending off the revulsion she feels for the situation, she can cope if she lets the pain envelop her…..this addiction and foreign invasion of her person.

Sue knows that Penny is lost, caught up in her escape and now is the time to heighten the thrill, increase the perceived danger and push her to the limits.

For some fear and perilous vulnerability…

Penny can feel the knife’s edge dig into her flesh just under her breast, enough to cut but not enough to draw blood, Sue slides the knife along as it’s scores the skin. Penny dares not move, but with disbelief and anticipation she sees Sue lower the knife’s aim….

Penny gasps with panic and excitement, her ragged breath causes her to feel faint and her body goes limp in her bonds.

At this point the reader is left to imagine what happens next…..

However a little later, things return to more tender and intimate moments….a little water on the oil to smooth and cool.

Sue revels in the caresses and feel of Penny in her arms, just the smell and warm of her sends Sue into a state of complete happiness, if only it would last…this compulsion and need for Penny feeds her infatuation, it haunts her at night and invades her dreams.

For Sue this is her time, a chance to play and embrace…..to imagine it would last beyond these four walls…..

But sadly time runs out all too soon for Sue and Penny, this small escape from the injustices and aches of reality must come to an end, at least for a while. The morning has worn on and the world has already awoken, play must stop and give way to the dreary drag of work and normal life….both do not want it to stop, they have yielded to their own private addictions and demons. The afterglow will only endure for a short time, after that the bitterness and self loathing will conquer until the next time.

For Sue letting go is difficult when it comes to Penny, there is never enough time. Her addiction is more subtle than Penny’s for her addiction is Penny.

Penny is practical now, her addiction sated by her need for danger and unpredictable excitement, the lust for unexpected pain and the familiar needle. The drugs are not the addiction, that is a constant dependency that only comes from in Sue Linn. And while Sue’s addiction is Penny, her dependency comes from Penny’s.

And as Penny leaves with the promise of a return visit, Sue whispers to herself …. Goodbye my Love.

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Addiction and Dependency – Written and Photographed by John McNairn

Modelled and acted by Artemis Fauna and Chrissie Red